


Who Won't Let a Coward Run

by EllieMurasaki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: ohsam, Gen, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-27
Updated: 2011-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:52:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieMurasaki/pseuds/EllieMurasaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and that voicemail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Won't Let a Coward Run

**Author's Note:**

> My Bloody Valentine and Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid were originally meant to air the other way around, which I think makes both episodes make more sense, so this fic assumes Dead Men preceded Valentine.
> 
> Title from "Easy as Life" from _Aida_.

"Not revenge," Sam tells Dean. Not denial, not betrayal. "Redemption."

But that conversation ends "Bye, Sam."

Sam should have known, he thinks bitterly. Dean told him, didn't he?

 

"One unheard message," the cheerful voice informs Sam. "One saved message." Sam's heart leaps at the sound of Dean's voice in the first message—Dean's changed his mind! they're better together!—but Sam's forgotten what the saved message is. So he listens.

 _I'm done trying to save you._

It isn't for Sam's benefit that Dean's letting Sam come home.

 

Dean lets Sam drive. When Dean's safely asleep, while Sam's still riding the high of being offered the keys (not taking them because Dean's been driving for hours and needs a break, _offered_ the keys), Sam pulls out his phone.

 _I'm giving you fair warning._

This is all conditional on Sam's good behavior.

 

"Kid, you're awesome."

The kid is more demon than Sam is.

 _Sam. A vampire._

This doesn't make any sense.

 

 _—save you or kill you._

Sam saves Dean, and for days Dean is as delighted with life as he used to be. Every night, Sam reminds himself that Dean would be happier without worrying when Sam's going to turn on him again.

 

 _You're not you anymore._

After the KITTpala incident, the first time Sam listens to the voicemail, he gets to that line and laughs. And doesn't stop laughing. Dean has to thump him on the back to make him stop, then asks what's so funny. Nothing. Nothing at all.

 

Sam doesn't need a reminder for a while after Carthage. The explosion that killed Jo and Ellen is burned onto his eyelids.

 

 _And there's no going back._

Dean should just have left Sam in crazyville.

 

 _You're not you anymore._

That's why it took so long for Dean to clue in. He doesn't notice anymore when Sam acts oddly, because Sam is always acting oddly.

 

 _Dad always said—_

Dean's trying to save Sammy. That's the only reason Sam can come up with for why Dean flatly negates any plan that involves Sam dying. The trouble is, Sammy's dead—died in Cold Oak, if not with Jess in Palo Alto—and this kind of dead, there's no going back. As for Sam? Dean is done trying to save Sam.

 

Sam should be on that pyre with Karen Singer. No. He doesn't deserve that much consideration. On the pyre with all the others.

 _And there's no going back._

 

When Sam is locked in the panic room going through withdrawal, the only thing he asks for is his phone. He listens to that message eight, ten times, trying to figure out why Dean's taking such good care of him when he's done trying to save Sam.

For a little while, Sam sleeps. When he wakes, Dean's perched on the end of the cot, holding Sam's phone and looking furious. Sam curls in on himself. Dean presses buttons, and the familiar words play. " _Listen to me, you bloodsucking freak—_ "

"To delete this message, press seven," the cheerful voice says. "To save, press nine." Dean presses a button, then a couple more to get out of voicemail, then drops the phone next to Sam's head, puts a hand on Sam's shoulder for a moment, and leaves without a word.

"No unheard messages," the cheerful voice tells Sam a few minutes later. "No saved messages."

Another withdrawal fit sets in just then—shaking, tears, the whole nine.

 

Sam reaches for his phone after coming back from the dead (again). Then more than once after settling in with the folk of Blue Earth. He's forgotten the message is gone. He still doesn't know why Dean deleted it. Doesn't Dean _want_ Sam to have that reminder?

Not that it matters. The words are etched into Sam's skull, acid.

 

"That voicemail," Dean says out of nowhere, on the road back to Cicero after Van Nuys. "The one you saved for nine months and wanted to hear in the panic room," in case Sam's forgotten. "That wasn't me."

And the White Knight is talking backwards and the Red Queen's 'off with her head'.


End file.
